Dear person of the internet,

I think I may be suffering from a form of middle class villageitus.

Quick background, I was born in the Congo and immigrated to UK and raised on the streets of East ham…but since about my late teens i’ve found myself moving steadily into deepest darkest Surrey and further away from London. Currently I am in a village in what has been designated an “Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty”.

I still consider myself to be ‘down’ and in touch with my London routes, but lo and behold while out with the hubster in London I heard some loud shouting and swearing from some homeless gentlemen and suddenly found myself speed walking, head down lest they mugged me (I mean really, of all the people out there on a Friday night why did I assume that A. they would mug ME or B. they would mug anybody).

I am pretty sure 17 year old me is shaking her head in disgust, especially after I complained that London was too noisy and full of strange smells, then wondered if the abandoned packet of tic-tacs at the station was some illicit drug accidentally dropped by some street seller!

Someone / anyone please come quickly and burn my Hunter wellies and gillet, take away my MyWaitrose card and chuck out my Surrey Home Magazine…come save me from myself before I punch myself in the eye for being ‘one of those people’…Hurry before I join the W.I